Boundaries Aren’t Mean—They’re Maintenance: Lessons From My Trip Through Italy

Last year, while wandering through the countryside of Italy, I was completely taken by the sight of endless acres of cultivated beauty—grapevines stretching toward the sun, rows of wheat waving in the breeze, olive trees standing ancient and wise, and gardens bursting with vibrant flowers nestled beside charming homes. I couldn’t stop snapping photos, trying to capture the grace of it all.

But as I looked back through those images, I noticed something subtle yet consistent: nearly every field and garden was enclosed. A low stone wall, an iron gate, a wooden fence—something always stood between the cultivated and the wild. It wasn’t about keeping beauty in; it was about protecting what was precious. These barriers weren’t about fear—they were about honor. Because what grew inside those spaces nourished life, delighted the senses, and sustained the people who tended them.

It made me wonder: why are we, as women, so hesitant to build similar boundaries in our own lives? Why do we allow the frantic pace of the world, the drain of unhealthy relationships, or the quiet poison of self-criticism to creep in like weeds or wild animals trampling what we’ve carefully sown? (BONUS photos 📸 of Italian gardens 🪴 at bottom of post if you care to browse)

These simple, crude fences protect the fruit and plants in this vineyard outside Florence, Italy.

Let’s get one thing straight: saying “no” doesn’t make you mean. Asking for space isn’t selfish. Drawing the line isn’t cruel. It’s called maintenance—and my friends, it’s high time we treat our emotional energy with the same care we give our gardens, our homes, and our best recipes.

We Seasoned Ladies have been around long enough to know how easy it is to give until we’re empty. We’ve worn so many of the hats: mother, sister, wife, daughter, friend, counselor, nurse, peacemaker… and somewhere along the way, we were taught that kindness means saying “yes” even when it destroys us. But let me offer you a truth wrapped in love: boundaries aren’t barriers to love—they’re bridges to peace and greater strength.

Boundaries Keep the Engine Running

Think of yourself like a classic car—still elegant, still powerful, still head-turning. But that engine needs regular tune-ups, quality fuel, and yes, protection from the elements. You wouldn’t let just anyone take her for a spin without their knowing how to handle her, would you? Same with your time, your energy, your peace.

Setting boundaries is how we protect the masterpiece we are designed to be. It’s how we ensure we have the capacity to show up fully and joyfully for the people and things we love and treasure.

Boundaries Say, “I Love You, and I Respect Me Too.”

One of the biggest myths we were sold is that love means limitless self-sacrifice for everyone we know. But the real, quality relationships know: love means mutual respect. Boundaries are a way of saying, I care about us so much that I want to be honest about what I need and what I can give back in a healthy manner. That might mean less availability, more silence, or clearer communication—but it always means more authenticity.

You don’t need to apologize for having a limit. You’re not “difficult” because you don’t tolerate disrespect. You’re wise. And wisdom looks like knowing how to tend your own garden so that you have the capacity to water someone else’s.

Let Go of the Guilt

If the idea of boundaries still makes you cringe a little, let’s dig deeper. Is it guilt? Fear of being seen as “too much” or “not enough”? That’s the voice of old programming, not wisdom or truth. The guilt doesn’t belong to you—it’s inherited, learned, absorbed or assigned. And it can be unlearned, too.

Every time you honor truth and mutual respect, you give another woman permission to do the same. That’s not selfish—that’s sisterhood.

The Power of “No, Thank You”

Here’s a revolutionary thought: you don’t have to explain yourself. “No, thank you” is a full sentence. So is, “That doesn’t work for me,” or, “I’m not available for that.” You don’t need a five-point PowerPoint or a list of excuses.

Grace, clarity and firmness can live in the same sentence. You can be kind and clear. Loving and honest. Empathetic and unapologetic.

Maintenance is Love in Action

So here’s your permission slip: you are allowed to take up space, say no, change your mind, and protect your peace without explaining yourself into exhaustion. Boundaries aren’t mean. They’re how we keep ourselves well, whole, and strong enough to give generously to the right people, places and things.

Because this seasoned life? It’s not just about surviving. It’s about thriving—with joy, with grace, and with fierce, fabulous boundaries.

A Few Boundaries Worth Embracing:

• I don’t answer texts after 9 PM. I’m prioritizing rest.

• I won’t entertain gossip—I’m too grown for mess.

• I’m not obligated to attend every argument I’m invited to.

• I pursue relationships that are reciprocal. As I pour into them, they pour into me, not just take from me.

• I protect my peace like it’s an heirloom. Because it is.

So next time someone tries to make you feel guilty for drawing a line, remember: boundaries aren’t mean—they’re maintenance. And you, my dear, are worthy of premium care.

Now go ahead and say it with me: “I love you, but no.”

If the concept of "healthy boundaries" intrigues you, I highly recommend the series on *Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud. Start with the original "Boundaries" book to get the foundation. Then, if you wish, dig in to the accompanying ones about boundaries within relationships. They are wise. They are proven to work. They are reliable.

*As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.