When the Encourager Needs Encouragement: How The Seasoned Lady Stays Sane (or close to it)

Surrounded by some people for which I am immensely thankful

We all have that person in our circle—we may have nicknamed her “Susie Sunshine” or some other moniker that walks the fine line between “We love how you brighten up the room” and “Okay friend, tone down the sparkle—we’re still human over here.” She’s the one who can find the silver lining even when it’s pouring, and without her, we’d likely slide too often into the ditch of discouragement. But let’s be honest: sometimes, when we just want to stew in our struggles for a bit, that relentless optimism can feel like a sandpaper hug. Well-intentioned, but still…ouch.

This year—2025—has been especially poignant. Some beautiful, life-giving moments have arrived that I never expected. I’ve treasured those. But then came the gut-punches. The kind that leave your stomach in knots and your brain in a fog. I've found myself saying, more than once, “Can we just have a boring year, please?” followed by a laugh that carries a hint of too much truth.

Just yesterday, a text thread with some of my inner circle included this gem:

“World’s best kept secret: Adulting is no joke—and it’s expensive. 🧐”

That reminded me of a moment years ago with my teen girls. They were frustrated, probably over some situation they’d expected to be shiny and exciting, only to find it came with hidden costs. The phrase "but it's just not fair" came up a couple of times as they were unpacking their sorrows. The tolls of maturity (adulting), you might say. After hearing them out, I gently reminded them:“I’m sorry your dad and I have made adulting look so easy. It isn’t.” It might’ve come off a little blunt, but it was the truth—and one we all remember.

This year, it seems that many of my closest friends are carrying heavier loads than usual. And as a lifelong Susie Sunshine, I have to admit: at 62, some of that shine has faded. The edges of my relentless pursuit of optimism have rusted a bit. Life has a way of doing that. It takes grit to stay grounded and hopeful when the path is steep and the next rest stop is nowhere in sight.

So how do I manage? What helps me keep going when the cheerleader in me is too tired to shake the pompoms?

It’s simple, really: I count my blessings.

Yes, that old chestnut. It’s not just a bumper sticker phrase—it’s a very successful survival tactic. I face my challenges head-on, but I also make the deliberate choice to focus on what is good. Not in broad categories, but in specific, name-them-one-by-one kind of ways. It shifts my posture from victim to capable. From defeated to determined. And, for me, it reminds me of where the good comes from.

If you know me personally. you know I live a spiritually grounded life—rooted in a faith that’s both ancient and personal. That old hymn, “Count Your Blessings,” has echoed in my head more times than I can count. When life tips sideways, I pause and name the good things. Sometimes mentally, other times scribbled on post-it notes inside a cabinet door, or in dry-erase marker on the bathroom mirror. It’s amazing what a cabinet door full of gratitude can do for your perspective before your first sip of coffee.

So whether you're a Susie Sunshine, a Polly Pragmatic, or a Debi Downer, I encourage you to start your own gratitude list—two items or 502. Let those blessings be the ballast that keeps you afloat when life tries to pull you under. And make sure these lists can greet you all over the place. Don't hide them away...put them where they encircle your living space.

Even King Solomon, who had all the money, fame, and wives a person could ask for, looked at life and said, “All is vanity.” He understood what we all eventually learn: life is hard, no matter your resume. But it’s not hopeless.

And now, friends, you know my not-so-secret key to staying encouraged—even when the sparkle dims.

Count your blessings. Let them shine for you when your own light flickers. Then share a little sunshine to those around you, because you never know when one of them feels like it's all dark and shadowy...and your little bit of light may be just what they need in the moment. Help them stay encouraged through your love in their lives.

NOTE: If you would like to speak with me about how my spiritual life has carried me through more ups and downs than seemed to be my fair portion, I would love to share it with you. I don't push this down people's throats. But I happily share ... and would love to do so with you.