Living in “The Middle of the Sandwich Generation”

My dad and two of my three daughters. They love him and he loves them...part of what makes living in "the middle of the sandwich generation" so beautifully blessed.

There’s Gen X, Gen Z, Millennials, of course, we Baby Boomers…Regardless of generational labels, many of us eventually find ourselves in the midst of what's often termed the Sandwich Generation. This is that distinct period where our attention and energy are often divided between supporting our adult children, perhaps grandchildren, and also providing care and assistance to our aging parents. It often involves a fair amount of spontaneous travel and problem-solving on behalf of one or more of these groups.

It is, without a doubt, a significant and multifaceted time. While it sometimes carries a reputation for being demanding – and indeed, it can be – it also presents unique opportunities. One might find oneself tending to a parent's health needs, and then, in short order, assisting with childcare as a new grandchild arrives. The demands can certainly feel cyclical. Furthermore, the responsibility of managing a parent's estate can be an emotionally and physically taxing experience. There's no denying that. However, when we can manage the inherent stresses and approach these situations with empathy and collaborative spirit within the family, these times can actually enrich our familial relationships in profound ways.

My husband and I have been experiencing this dynamic for several years now. I've taken cross-country flights to care for young grandchildren while their parents were in the hospital for a new arrival. We've driven long distances to be at the bedside of a parent who was seriously ill. We've managed the complexities of a parent's final affairs and delivered cherished mementos to our grandchildren on the return journey. Currently, we are enjoying a visit near our eldest child and are pleased to assist with a few minor home improvements. While some might perceive this as an imposition, and I certainly understand if that resonates with individual experiences, my husband and I made a conscious decision some time ago to embrace a different perspective. In fact, we build it into our adventures...like this week camping near our daughter's home. We love camping, and we love famiy time. It's a perfect combo for us. And along the way we are stopping to do a few fun things just "for us."

A little reminiscence-at the end of a driving day on one of our many cross country moves.

You see, many years ago, due to my husband's military career, we relocated frequently. And without fail, my parents consistently found ways to come and assist us during these transitions. Our budget was often constrained, my husband frequently had immediate work obligations, and I was often left to manage the unpacking and settling into a new city, a new home, and new schools largely on my own. Yet, with remarkable ease, my parents would arrive for a couple of weeks and provide invaluable support. Whether it was removing outdated wallpaper – I recall one particularly memorable pattern – or simply organizing the children's belongings and establishing a sense of order, they were always there. And somehow, those essential grocery items that were just beyond our reach during a financially tight move would invariably appear in our kitchen.

When we began offering similar assistance to our own children as they embarked on their adult lives, they would often politely demur, suggesting it wasn't expected. However, our consistent response is that their late grandmother would not have stood for us leaving them to struggle. We joke that she would swoop down and pop us with a heavenly “Gibbs-Slap.” And they laugh when we say so, because they know their grandmother well enough to know it’s true. We understand firsthand the financial pressures that young adults face, and so offering small gestures, such as bringing over necessary supplies for a home project or contributing to their groceries, is simply what family does. And if they require an extra set of hands to refresh a living space or manage household tasks, we are happy to provide that support.

So, all that to say, we find fulfillment and love living “in the middle of the sandwich generation.” We have precious connections with both the younger and older generations in our family, and we deeply value the opportunity to give with the same care and generosity that was extended to us. It is, in essence, the fabric of family. It is the natural course of familial support.